Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Maura, how do I love Thee?

Let me count the ways! One one tousand, two one tousand, tree one tousand! (Use your Roger Rabbit voice! Or is that Woger Wabbit?) I loved your tribute to moi, it was MAHVELOUS. I shall soon post a tribute to you, because one good turn deserves another. Coming soon, a tell-all of what it was like Growing Up With Pampered Princess or I want it all Fabulous. The lies, the scandals, the wild parties, don't miss it!


Now say the title again while you are imagining that you are Kronk from Emperor's New Groove. Got it? Now you may proceed.
It was my birthday yesterday and we kicked off the month long celebration, (that's right, month long, I'm thinking a day for every year I've been alive is highly appropriate) (that's right, I'm about thirty) (can't wait to celebrate 60!)with my daughters making french toast and scrambled eggs for me for breakfast. I haven't told them what I think about scrambled eggs. The gesture was very sweet, so in typical Mommy fashion, I sacrificed for the greater good and their darling egos and choked down the cold eggs. It helped when I swirled them around in plenty of syrup. Most things in life can be helped with a good dousing of syrup, don't you think? Besides, we use the low carb version, so it's totally healthy. I believe everything I read on labels. So, back to the day...
My husband took the children shopping for my birthday where he refused to spend any of his own money on their gift ideas. We had just had a giant garage sale and the girls had some spending money. In typical fashion, my 9 year old generously bought me a bird calendar and my 11 year old gave me a kingsized Reeses Peanut Butter Cup after she bummed the money from her sister. I wonder if she's paid her sister back yet? I'm betting she is hoping her sister will forget the debt. And when she is reminded, she will try to change the subject. Sound familiar? Yeah, she learned that skill from her Dad. I never do that.
What's that? Yes, I'm sidetracked easily, my 11 year old gets that syndrome everytime she has to confront her math book. Okay, back to the story, and then my husband said the cats had gotten me a gift, too. He told me that their gift was in the garage next to their litter pans. Aren't my cats sweet? To leave me a present in their bathroom? Oh wait, they always leave me lots of little presents in the garage. Is my husband trying to tell me something? Well, the little darlings really outdid themselves. They gave me a ...
GUITAR! Who knew that in the family, the cats were the ones with the money? See, take care of your animals and they will take care of you!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Fun among the Roses

My cute little Chico Suave has realized that he is a male cat and therefore he must make sure that everyone is aware of HIS territory. You know how cats do that right? So after making sure that the messes were completely unrelated to the condition of the litter pan, I decided that he either needed a new address or he was going to become an outdoor cat at the barn where all reject cats go. This plan was implemented immediately after he marked my church bag with his special brand of cat cologne. First, we put him in the garage and barricaded the cat door with laundry detergent. This didn't work, he was back in the house in seconds. Next, we piled heavy stuff on the laundry detergent container and on the other side of the door, we put the kitty litter container. He was back in the house in a few minutes. We needed a new plan.

Not trusting him to hold "it" until I could take him to the barn, I made the decision to put him in the backyard. Ah, he was in heaven. He stayed out there for several hours, perfectly content and not even leaving the back yard. We had found a compromise that worked for both of us. He could have the back yard anytime he wanted and my church bag will feel safer once it has recovered from the multiple washings. The only snag is that my sweet, loveable puppy thinks that it is lots of fun to chase cats when he is outside with them. Maybe it's because he can get better traction out on the grass than in the house with the hardwood floors. For whatever reason, he really likes to send them up the nearest tree or fence post and we've had to be extra careful to not turn Max out with his new furry chew toy that makes fun noises and runs really fast. I learned the hard way.

The other night I assured the girls that it would be fine, and I turned Max out with the cat. Max ran after the cat and the cat ran straight into the rose bush in the back yard. The dog thought this was great and he started racing around the yard. I hollered and yelled at him to get in the house, and he loved it, thinking we were playing a great game! He barked and jumped at me several times before tearing off again.

I was getting pretty worked up at my inability to get the dog in the house so the cat could come in. I was barefoot, so I decided to put my husband's yard shoes on and go get the cat out of the rose bush. And I admit, I was hoping that dog would get close enough to me and bark, just one more time. I got the cat in my arms and the dog came up behind me, I knew curiosity would get him close enough. I spun around to give him one good kick, and the over-sized shoe flew off my foot. I lost my balance, putting my now bare foot onto the rose branches on the ground to keep from falling. I gasped a time or two, and was able to put the shoe back on and somehow hold onto the cat. I did manage to scare the dog away while I was putting new holes into my foot and I was somehow able to impress upon him that I wasn't playing a game and he needed to get into the house. I think my voice had a new tone, one born of pain and something else, something that made a deep impression on him to stay out of the way. We all made it inside, the cat, the dog and I. I sat down and pulled my punctured foot up, removing one thorn that hadn't quite made it back out. That was fun. I love my animals.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Okay, I'll play! I love tag!

Alright, here goes!

1. Market Surveyor for Luxury Apartments. (Boring, but I get to work at home, yay!)
2. Lead Manager at a Drop-in Playcare. I can't get enough of the short people...That's right, Lead manager, can you say Dictator for Life?
3. Telemarketing. (It was for the flight benefits, I'm sure I never called YOU during dinner and tried to get you to switch to AT&T!)
4. Movie Theater Lackey. I was an usher, concessionist, ticket salesperson. I learned to love those movie theater hot dogs with nacho cheese. Mmmmm.

FOUR PLACES I HAVE LIVED: This one I get to copy some of Maura's. And I won't cheat, only four!
1. Alamosa, CO
2. Mesa, AZ
3. Midvale, Sandy, and South Jordan, UT
4. Fort Worth
See how I virtuously stopped at four?

FOUR TV SHOWS I LIKE TO WATCH This is where Maura and I diverge somewhat. NO football for me, thank you very much!
1. The Closer
2. The Biggest Loser
3. Psych
4. It's Me or the Dog (My husband wishes it were the dog)
However, Maura is the one to turn me onto all of my favorite shows.

1. San Antonio, TX
2. Pagosa Springs, CO, (And the four corners, and Sanford CO)
3. Oregon
4. Salt Lake
5. Hawaii
(Okay, I'm not virtuous now, but Hawaii, who wouldn't want to mention that? It's been almost two years, but that was the best vacation ever...)

1. A&E's Pride and Prejudice (Glenn Beck calls it a bonnet flick.)
2. The Saint/The Count of Monte Cristo
3. Sense and Sensibility
4. Persuasion

1. Sushi!!!
2. Um, Sushi
3. That would be Sushi
4. And Chocolate with peanut butter.
(How do you like that combination?)

1. Reading
2. Riding
3. Napping (it only happens on Sundays, then it makes up for all previous days by taking 3 hours)
4. Talking to my mom and sisters on the phone.

1. Sergeants western store. (It has accessories for horses at discounted prices, what's not to love?!) and Ebay
3.Half-Price Books! (Maura and I are related!)
4. Clothing Stores in the nice shopping center when I have money. So Once every two years...

There, now you know everything about me. Now you can predict my reactions, my moves, there is no more mystery or allure, it is all out there for you to see. I feel like I've just been on a tabloid!

Friday, August 3, 2007

Another key member of the Ark

This is Max. He is a labradoodle. He was supposed to be about forty pounds when he grew up, but he had different ideas. He is about twice the expected size, which is how we ended up with him. That's right, as my husband likes to say, we live on the island of misfit animals.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Here he is, Mr. America!

When you're this cute, they give you anything you want!

Even your own mirror!

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Raising Chico Suave

We had a litter of kittens born at the barn earlier this year. My girls love naming litters of kittens based on themes. At first they tried presidents. But there were six kittens and they could only come up with George. So new theme. How about birds? So the six black and tabby kittens ended up with names such as cardinal, sparrow, and chickadee. What care I about the appropriateness of the names? They are only going to be around until they are old enough to be carried off, and then mama cat gets spayed! (Beware the dangers of setting out cat food even for your own cats! If you put it out, the pregnant cats will move in!) Well, I cared not, until little chickadee decided to spend time inside a truck engine. The truck engine was started and Chickadee jumped out and ran under a horse trailer crying pitifully. I saw the other cats walk towards him to find out why he was crying, and I wondered what happened. But, as is typical of blondes, I was quickly distracted again. About ten minutes later, I walked by the little guy and noticed part of his ear was gone and there was an opening on his back hind leg. I quickly bundled the little guy up in a towel, (completely forgetting the cat carrier I keep at the barn for just this reason!) and off we raced to the vet! I love my vet, he knows that poor people want to have pets, too! So a couple of days later we picked little Chickadee up with a new design on his side and a lopsided ear. He quickly assumed the work of keeping the other cats chased and pounced on. Four weeks later, my husband and I decided that the little guy was here to stay and he was going to need a more masculine name. So Chico Suave is now part of the ark.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

The cat is Pokey. He 's been an official member of the ark for two years. He showed up looking for food at my barn and a couple of weeks later, he had a broken leg and was dragging himself miserably out of a stall. I ran him to the vet and took him home to heal where he became a beloved pet. A week ago, he took advantage of our pet sitters and an electric outage to escape and venture out into the neighborhood. He hasn't come back. We think his good looks and charming personality have driven someone to the dishonest act of cat knapping. So we pray that somehow he'll escape again, using his wits and felinish charm. Where is another power outage when you need it? Meanwhile, we've got another of the feline persuasion who got membership into the ark, simply by injury. That's all it takes, just ask anybody. Pictures of him next time. Maybe Pokey felt squeezed out...
Some people go to great lengths to lose weight. I propose a twist on all the old trials to make the scale register a little lower. Hair removal! I will let you know how my experiments in wax work. If I can drag myself back to the computer, and see through my tears, you will know if my new weight loss program worked!

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

This Horse means it

Horses take their rolling very seriously. This horse doesn't make it three steps away after you take the halter off, before she melts into the sand and becomes one with it.

A blog

This blog site is for empty, nonsensical purposes, in addition to being in direct competition with pampered princess who wishes she were the favorite.